128- Atlas, At Last.

Atlas, at last
Don't let too much time pass.
For time is running out,
And I am just running about.

Direction, can't find it.
Desperation, can't hide it.
Faith- why fake it?
My life- just take it.

A frightening sight to see
The helpless, hopeless plight of me
Crashing ruins of that tower so high
Babbling, "Oh Babel," yes, that is I.

Fragility and futility
Intellectual capability
This inevitable duality
Causes great fatality

Crushed by the weight of the world
Fighting with fists clenched, fingers curled
Flattened, battered, beaten to death
Gasping for an unachievable breath.

Atlas, at last
Finally crosses my path.
Raises the difficulty with ease
And finally, I am able to breathe.

I'm sick of being tired but never sleeping. Sick of being hungry and never eating. Of being lonely. Merry Christmas.

I think I have a guess as to what "it" is... A sense of reality? Could that be it?

Even rebellions follow precedents, and that discourages me.

All I ever really want is for every piece of literature ever to relate back to Plato's Allegory of the Cave.

"I think, therefore I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." ?

I'm hungry for knowledge and thirsty for love.

On The Ups & Downs

Sometimes I am happy,
Those are good times.

And sometimes I get sad.
Very very very sad.
Now, I never get angry.
And on the rare occasions when I do,
I direct my anger towards myself.
It's not very friendly.

All the negative emotions, I try to avoid.
When they happen,
I ride out the storm.

When I get happy again,
It's great....
But always tainted by the fear
Of going back down.

On Intellectuals, and Niches

"If only I could find my people or my place in life"

Hmm.
Been finding more intelligent people to talk with,
But it's like the social bullshit you have to go through to get to that point of open intellectual discussion makes it not even worth it.

Honestly the only thing I can relate this to is the narrator of Invisible Man becoming a part of the "Brotherhood." Let me expand.

The narrator finally found something to belong to, to further his cause.
Turned out, it was a lie.
A light without the t. A ligh.

And well, that's all I can really say.
This shit is still an illusion. People still aren't "real."
Reality, what the fuck is that shit?

On Comfort Zones.

My whole life has been a series of comfort zones.
Trapped inside an electron cloud ya know?
More like trapped inside the eye of a hurricane,
A blind eye.

Shit, I'm getting so complex up in hurr.

Well. Over the last few years I have expanded my comfort zones, gradually.
A lot, yes, but not enough.

I am so far behind.
Yes, march to the beat of your own drum,
But you have to march. Not crawl. Not drag your damn feet.
March, bitches.

April.
And May
Be one day I'll March.

See what my mind has turned into?

Well anyway, I am so far behind. I feel as if the time for experimentation, to figure out how the world works, how people act/react in situations, has passed.
Everyone around me has already figured this shit out, and I haven't even started.
Where have I been?

Oh, yes, "on my own little island," reading books. Avoiding reality. Learning how fictional people act, assuming real people are the same way. Never.

However, It's Never Too Late To Start.
I know this!
Just makes me feel even more out of my comfort zone in the attempt to start,
But I'm going to start.
Tomorrow.

Tomorrow Too Late?


Okay, done with the references nobody catches.
I hate winter.
Going to read more books and avoid more people.
Good night.

Today, so far, has been a great success. A+ to me. Let's hope chem lab doesn't phuck it up.