Today i went to olgas, walmart, applebees, the mall, a mcdonals 30 mins away, and bout $20 worth of Harry Potter silly bands.

I can't wait to grow up and do drugs and then pretend the side effects are my kid's fault!

I know Wednesday is hump day, but damn. I got ass-raped by life today. Also sorry for such short bursts of blogs.

I'm angry at life because I feel I deserve a lot more from it.

I am stuck in this hell doing nothing with my life. I need to get out. Will I ever make it?

It sucks that my mom is uneducated because she can't buy me nerdy things for my birthday.

On Getting Your Own Blog Titles!!

Lol.

Everyone starts their blog titles with the word "On" now.

It's okay, really, I just think it's funny how things can worm their way into our subconscious and we imitate others without realizing it. I do the same, so don't worry about it. I'm just sayin'.

Also,

I'm at school right now.

I've written a ton of stuff in my notebook this week that I'm dying to type out, but for lack of time I haven't been able to. I'd like to right now, but once again can't because my class ends soon.

Hope my mobile updates can convey the gist of what I'm trying to say.

Not that anyone reads this. I'm updating this like I have readers. I don't. I don't think at least.

Hey Clash, keep bloggin' fool.

& Stop deleting them!

All right, so crunch time is coming soon. This weekend I'm going up north to get away, but once I'm back I'm for real putting my heart and soul into working my ass off.

Clubs (five of them this year), classes (& college), college applications.

That's all I'll have time for, so this blog will be even more distant.

Coolies,

Just know that I'm jumping through the hoops and I'm doing it fantastically.

Don't doubt me!

Also,

I love Eminem. I need to listen to more rap. I used to hate all rap, by default/principle, but it's actually really enlightening to me. My diverse interests kill me. But I love them. I think they make me completely different from everyone else,

Although in some senses that makes me feel quite "isolated."

I've been reading The Metamorphosis in AP English, so I've been thinking a lot and should probably update my other blog. Nah.

Kay, that's everything I've been thinking in a nutshell. Hopefully I can type out my physics class ramblings soon.

Thanks if you read this far!

I have the most unique interests out of everyone I know. How come it feels so hard to relate others?

Today my English teacher called everyone in my class "average" compared to Einstein. I was insulted. Lul.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate already, I have just added "Avoid Creepy Tenth Grader Who Hit On Me Once" to my to-do list.

Physics, where have you been all my life? I love you. Let's get married.

The key is to stay on top of everything. The minute I get behind... Well, I don't even want to think about that.

I love my sister and my two best friends (Lina & Dalton). I can't wait until the day when I can repay them for everything they've done for me.

But one more thing.

I feel like I'm caged inside a glass box.
There's no room to breathe, and it's very uncomfortable.
But everyone can see so I have to pretend it's okay.

Every now and then I show little clues,
"Hey guys, I'm unhappy."
In fact guys, This is the most unhappy I've been in three years.
But I know guys, it's really not your fault.
It's really not your problem to deal with, it's mine.
And if I have a problem, how can I not deal with it?

....Well, duh, because I'm trapped inside this fucking box.
Even attempting to get out of it will show some kind of weakness to my onlookers.
Banging on the glass, but not breaking out, how embarrassing.
Breaking a sweat, how embarrassing.
Even worse- battle wounds! Even if I do break out, how embarrassing.

So I make little plans for myself to stay up late.
Because at night, when nobody's watching, I can do whatever it takes.
But it's not working. Maybe I'm just unmotivated.
At one second I think it's fine and I'm fine and it's all okay,
But another second I'm ready to stab myself.
I want to scream, but nobody would hear anyway, especially at night.
Maybe I can't do it by myself.

However, it's nobody else's liability.
However, I'm ruining friendships because of this shit.
People are sick of hearing it, and I get it.
I'm trying to make myself as unnoticable as possible,
But Freedom Lies in Being Bold.

I'm really not sure what I'm doing.
Nevermind.
I thought I was getting to a conclusion, dammit.
The apathy is killing me, guys.
Killing. Me.

Dear Blog,

What the fuck are you?

You've turned into a piece of shit, and it's all my fault.
For that, I am incredibly sorry.

"If you, remember, remember, I've been trying to get back to the center."

Yeah, you've turned into a piece of shit and it's all my fault. And for that, I really am incredibly sorry. I don't know what else to tell you.

"I'm hoping that you'll change, so we can see straight, someday."

I need school. So I don't have to sit here and h8 lyfe on a shitblog.
Luckily for you, my school starts tomorrow!

Have a nice day.

On Being Exactly Like My Mom.

It's something I never want to do.

However,
She's been in the worst mood lately. And it's been wearing off on me. I am trying to distract myself by friends and happiness, but being at home makes it hard to do so. So every night she gets drunk and drowns in her sorrows, then she goes to bed and I'm left to drown in mine. Which I don't want to do anymore. I'd rather be happy when talking to my friends than be upset, and that's my goal- to have friends for distraction and happiness rather than to vent.

However,
My sister just got in town. I've been yelling at my mom for being upset for having to "share" her. But then she just flew in today. I made sure not to have any plans just so I could be here when she got here. I was waiting for her for two hours. And then I finally texted her because I knew she had to have landed by then. And it turns out she went to my aunt's house in Garden City. Without even seeing me. I am not offended by her being there and not at my house, but... I've only been telling her how excited I am to see her all week. And now she's not even bothering to make an effort to see me. I would make an effort to go out there tonight, but one I can't drive myself and two I'd have to take my mom who will get drunk and embarrass herself and three I have to be up early tomorrow, so I can't be out late tonight.

So I'm kinda disappointed.
So I'm kinda gonna leave the house soon and see Angelina, I hope.
So I'm kinda gonna have a good time.
So I'm kinda gonna piss off my sister for not making a big enough effort.
So I'm kinda gonna be like my mom.

Whatever, this is stupid, it's not going to matter anymore eventually. I just need an outlet.
Kaybye.

People like me because I'm someone they can compliment without having to lie. ;D

I learned a lesson. When Isomeone calls me, I never want to answer. But if I do answer, I feel better in the end. Benefits of being bold.

I like to do things that are out of my character sometimes, but I'm not sure why.

You know what scares the shit out of me?

Recently it has come to my attention
That a lot of my peers are invited to parties, and quite frequently at that.
I don't think I'd really want to go to a party, but I have never been invited to one even, unless it was through my more sociable counterpart, my best friend, that is.

In my world, there aren't even parties. They don't exist, in my world.
So this is new to me, and I'm not sure if I feel disappointed in my social failure,
Or lucky to have been left out of social sucess because I don't think I'd like it much.

Hmmm. :S