Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Some sappy lyrics, mkay?
"You are the knock of my knees,the swollen sound of each song I scribble down and tear up, because they never match up. You are the words I fumble for. In the morning, you are the daybreak, and I am glad. And at night, you are the dream I fall asleep to have."
"At some point I'll call you and tell you I miss you, and you are the point of my days. And my face will get flushed, and my throat will choke up when you tell me that you feel the same."
"So tonight I will call you and try to say thank you for being the sun on my face. I know the world's almost over, but you make it seem better, and I hope for you I do the same."
All Kevin Devine lyrics.
Yeah I don't know. :3
"At some point I'll call you and tell you I miss you, and you are the point of my days. And my face will get flushed, and my throat will choke up when you tell me that you feel the same."
"So tonight I will call you and try to say thank you for being the sun on my face. I know the world's almost over, but you make it seem better, and I hope for you I do the same."
All Kevin Devine lyrics.
Yeah I don't know. :3
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
On Jimmy Joyce
This belongs on my book blog, but i don't give a fuck.
Here are some great words from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man:
"The hour when he too would take part in the life of that world seemed drawing near and in secret he began to make ready for the great part which he felt awaited him the nature of which he only dimly apprehended."
"The ambition which he felt astir at times in the darkness of his soul sought no outlet."
"By his monstrous way of life he seemed to have put himself beyond the limits of reality. Nothing moved him or spoke to him from the real world unless he heard in it an echo of the infuriated cries within him."
"He had not died but he had faded out like a film in the sun. He had been lost or had wandered of of existence for he no longer existed. How strange to think of him passing out of existence in such a way, not by death, but by fading out in the sun or by being lost and forgotten somewhere in the universe!"
"'Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless...?'"
(^that's a Shelley poem that Joyce integrated into the book, I love it).
"To merge his life in the common tide of other lives was harder for him than any fasting or prayer and it was his constant failure to do this to his own satisfaction which caused in his soul at last a sensation of spiritual dryness together with a growth of doubts and scruples."
"His destiny was to be elusive of social or religious orders."
"He was destined to learn his own wisdom apart from others or to learn the wisdom of others himself wandering among the snares of the world."
"This was the call of life to his soul, not the dull gross voice of the world of duties and despair, not the inhuman voice that had called him to the pale service of the altar."
"There was a lust of wandering in his feet that burned to set out for the ends of the earth."
"His thinking was a dusk of doubt and semitrust, lit up at moments by the lightnings of intuition, but lightnings so clear a splendour that in those moments the world perished about his feet as if it had been fire consumed: and thereafter his tongue grew heavy and he met the eyes of others with unanswering eyes for he felt that the spirit of beauty had folded him round like a mantle and that in reverie at least he had been acquanted with nobility."
"The ivy whines upon the wall,
And whines and twines upon the wall,
The yellow ivy upon the wall,
Ivy, ivy up the wall."
"Contrahit orator, variant in carmine vates."
(An orator summarizes, poets vary their verses.)
"It wounded him to think that he would never be but a shy guest at the feast of the world's culture and that the monkish learning, in terms of which he was striving to forge out an esthetic philosophy, was held no higher by the age he lived in than the subtle and curious jargons of heraldry and falconry."
Here are some great words from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man:
"The hour when he too would take part in the life of that world seemed drawing near and in secret he began to make ready for the great part which he felt awaited him the nature of which he only dimly apprehended."
"The ambition which he felt astir at times in the darkness of his soul sought no outlet."
"By his monstrous way of life he seemed to have put himself beyond the limits of reality. Nothing moved him or spoke to him from the real world unless he heard in it an echo of the infuriated cries within him."
"He had not died but he had faded out like a film in the sun. He had been lost or had wandered of of existence for he no longer existed. How strange to think of him passing out of existence in such a way, not by death, but by fading out in the sun or by being lost and forgotten somewhere in the universe!"
"'Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless...?'"
(^that's a Shelley poem that Joyce integrated into the book, I love it).
"To merge his life in the common tide of other lives was harder for him than any fasting or prayer and it was his constant failure to do this to his own satisfaction which caused in his soul at last a sensation of spiritual dryness together with a growth of doubts and scruples."
"His destiny was to be elusive of social or religious orders."
"He was destined to learn his own wisdom apart from others or to learn the wisdom of others himself wandering among the snares of the world."
"This was the call of life to his soul, not the dull gross voice of the world of duties and despair, not the inhuman voice that had called him to the pale service of the altar."
"There was a lust of wandering in his feet that burned to set out for the ends of the earth."
"His thinking was a dusk of doubt and semitrust, lit up at moments by the lightnings of intuition, but lightnings so clear a splendour that in those moments the world perished about his feet as if it had been fire consumed: and thereafter his tongue grew heavy and he met the eyes of others with unanswering eyes for he felt that the spirit of beauty had folded him round like a mantle and that in reverie at least he had been acquanted with nobility."
"The ivy whines upon the wall,
And whines and twines upon the wall,
The yellow ivy upon the wall,
Ivy, ivy up the wall."
"Contrahit orator, variant in carmine vates."
(An orator summarizes, poets vary their verses.)
"It wounded him to think that he would never be but a shy guest at the feast of the world's culture and that the monkish learning, in terms of which he was striving to forge out an esthetic philosophy, was held no higher by the age he lived in than the subtle and curious jargons of heraldry and falconry."
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
On Boxes
I am considering going back to my summer ways.
Of building walls and whatnot.
I was so good at faking it back then.
I am so not good at faking it anymore.
I can't even be real as well as I used to.
I can't even be real.
I can't even be.
I can't even.
I can't.
I can't even hang out with people to distract myself, because being around people upsets me even more. What's wrong with me.
Of building walls and whatnot.
I was so good at faking it back then.
I am so not good at faking it anymore.
I can't even be real as well as I used to.
I can't even be real.
I can't even be.
I can't even.
I can't.
I can't even hang out with people to distract myself, because being around people upsets me even more. What's wrong with me.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
On Connectedness.
Hmm, last week I went through what I'd like to call an 'existential crisis.' I am not sure if that's a proper use of the term, but I like it for my situation.
Well, I wanted to die, but that's not important, because that's over now.
I suppose the best way to start this would be with Grendel [by John Gardner].
"All order, I've come to understand, is theoretical, unreal-- a harmless, sensible, smiling mask men slide between the two dark, great realities, the self and the world-- two snake-pits."
That has been my attitude as of late.
I wrote a poem titled Nihil ex Nihilo (nothing comes from nothing, I believe, is the loose translation), that basically boils down to this concept.
I often find myself dillusioned with the idea that I am like those around me. That so-and-so "gets" me. No, we will never get each other. Depende de tu punto de vista. Depends on your point of view. We'll never see from the same point. I'll never get to the point. You can come close to see what's going on in my head (this blog is probably your best way to do that), but I mean, I don't even understand me.
All we ever yearn for is to be "got."
To be understood. That's all we crave, is understanding.
"But ever since the dawn of civilization, people have not been content to see events as unconnected and inexplicable. They have craved an understanding of the underlying order in the world. Today we still yearn to know why we are here and where we came from. Humanity's deepest desire for knowledge is justification enough for our continuing quest. And our goal is nothing less than a complete description of the universe we live in."
-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
In order to understand things.... that's what we do. We connect things. That are completely unrelated. This post is a perfect example. Somehow, I have managed to relate Grendel to Stephen Hawking in order to better understand my concept of connectedness. I have always admired the ability of writers who can integrate many different elements into their thinking and writing, and it's something I've been trying to improve on.
Well, last weekend in my crisis... I realized the bare unconnectedness of the universe. Just like when you think you're on the same page with someone, and suddenly you're not... Everything that happened, you made up in your head. You jump to conclusions in your head, make unfounded connections. I had this realization, but with the whole universe. I was at odds with everything, and what it meant.
It's really fucking scary and confusing. I'm still not sure how I feel. But I woke up at 5pm on Sunday and decided I would be okay, and maybe if I held out for a little while, something would fall into place. And as of right now it seems to be working. A year from today I will be in New Jersey, whether at Princeton or Rutgers. I can't quite work out the connection as to why I love NJ so much (besides the fact that my favorite musicians orginated there), but I know in my soul that it's where I want to be.
Nothing really makes sense, and I have not too much to believe in, besides myself and my Jersey future. I am not sure which connections are safe to make and which ones I should leave alone. It's just really frightening to look at something and realize its solitude in relation to the universe. All importance we put into things is.... made up by our eagerness to make connections. You look at something, and it automatically triggers all sorts of memories or similar things. In one sense, I believe this is beautiful and an amazing quality of the human mind... But I am fearful that it can lead to a great falsification of reality.
Well, I wanted to die, but that's not important, because that's over now.
I suppose the best way to start this would be with Grendel [by John Gardner].
"All order, I've come to understand, is theoretical, unreal-- a harmless, sensible, smiling mask men slide between the two dark, great realities, the self and the world-- two snake-pits."
That has been my attitude as of late.
I wrote a poem titled Nihil ex Nihilo (nothing comes from nothing, I believe, is the loose translation), that basically boils down to this concept.
I often find myself dillusioned with the idea that I am like those around me. That so-and-so "gets" me. No, we will never get each other. Depende de tu punto de vista. Depends on your point of view. We'll never see from the same point. I'll never get to the point. You can come close to see what's going on in my head (this blog is probably your best way to do that), but I mean, I don't even understand me.
All we ever yearn for is to be "got."
To be understood. That's all we crave, is understanding.
"But ever since the dawn of civilization, people have not been content to see events as unconnected and inexplicable. They have craved an understanding of the underlying order in the world. Today we still yearn to know why we are here and where we came from. Humanity's deepest desire for knowledge is justification enough for our continuing quest. And our goal is nothing less than a complete description of the universe we live in."
-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
In order to understand things.... that's what we do. We connect things. That are completely unrelated. This post is a perfect example. Somehow, I have managed to relate Grendel to Stephen Hawking in order to better understand my concept of connectedness. I have always admired the ability of writers who can integrate many different elements into their thinking and writing, and it's something I've been trying to improve on.
Well, last weekend in my crisis... I realized the bare unconnectedness of the universe. Just like when you think you're on the same page with someone, and suddenly you're not... Everything that happened, you made up in your head. You jump to conclusions in your head, make unfounded connections. I had this realization, but with the whole universe. I was at odds with everything, and what it meant.
It's really fucking scary and confusing. I'm still not sure how I feel. But I woke up at 5pm on Sunday and decided I would be okay, and maybe if I held out for a little while, something would fall into place. And as of right now it seems to be working. A year from today I will be in New Jersey, whether at Princeton or Rutgers. I can't quite work out the connection as to why I love NJ so much (besides the fact that my favorite musicians orginated there), but I know in my soul that it's where I want to be.
Nothing really makes sense, and I have not too much to believe in, besides myself and my Jersey future. I am not sure which connections are safe to make and which ones I should leave alone. It's just really frightening to look at something and realize its solitude in relation to the universe. All importance we put into things is.... made up by our eagerness to make connections. You look at something, and it automatically triggers all sorts of memories or similar things. In one sense, I believe this is beautiful and an amazing quality of the human mind... But I am fearful that it can lead to a great falsification of reality.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Stream of Consciousness.
I should be sleeping, but I'm waiting for Kevin to get on AIM, but I don't think it is going to happen, which is fine because there's always some other time, and he's got shit to deal with, so it's whatever. I just wanted to talk about how In Between I am. But I don't feel like sharing that with my blog, I'm going to share it with a real person. Anyhow,
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.
What to say.
All the stuff I wrote in my notebooks that I was going to say seems really meaningless to me right now. And probably always will. So I guess I understand the phrase "Stay Relevant."
Everything feels irrelevant right now! The one chance I get to express my god damn sophisticated words, and SHE BE'S SARCASTIC. Oh no, my life has turned into KingCurtisQuoting. Maybe I am just tired, and frazzled from today's events.
Harry and the Potters just came on my windows media player. Cool, I love it, I haven't listened to this stuff.
I am always brought back to that phrase,
"Those who have nothing to say, keep on saying it. Those who have something to say, can't/don't, say it." Or something like that.
Right now I just feel like saying something. I keep saying this shit. For real, I've been updating my facebook every five minutes lolol. I am such a teenager, hate my generation.
Anyhow, I am having one of those moments that I just want to learn something new and amazing about life. So I should probably read some Thoreau, yeah. But I just want to sit here and listen to music (it's Fergie now).
Lately I have found a very new appreciation for rap. To where I actually like it, not even just as a joke. Well maybe as a joke still, but I'm into it a lot. I found out I love Weezy and Kanye. I have always loved Eminem, of course. I probably have very terrible taste, but I don't care who judges it.
Music used to be very important to me, and I used to judge people by their taste in music, but now I just don't give a shit, and I'm happy with whatever I listen to, whenever I listen to it. It's just not a big deal, guise. I mean, of course Saves the Day is supreme in all aspects forever. Saves the Day is more than music though... Lawl.
Lucky if we're speaking on Holiday, Holidayyy.
Right now i feel very inspired to build a new friendship. Don't care with who (preferrably someone with their own opinions and thoughts on life but anyone works). I think that's kind of dumb of me though. Not that it's dumb to want to befriend people, but to be so unbiased with who it is. But also I think that's good to not judge... lolwut. I can't explain what I'm trying to say.
So I give up.
But one more thing;
"Longer that I'm out here" by Kevin Devine......
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.
What to say.
All the stuff I wrote in my notebooks that I was going to say seems really meaningless to me right now. And probably always will. So I guess I understand the phrase "Stay Relevant."
Everything feels irrelevant right now! The one chance I get to express my god damn sophisticated words, and SHE BE'S SARCASTIC. Oh no, my life has turned into KingCurtisQuoting. Maybe I am just tired, and frazzled from today's events.
Harry and the Potters just came on my windows media player. Cool, I love it, I haven't listened to this stuff.
I am always brought back to that phrase,
"Those who have nothing to say, keep on saying it. Those who have something to say, can't/don't, say it." Or something like that.
Right now I just feel like saying something. I keep saying this shit. For real, I've been updating my facebook every five minutes lolol. I am such a teenager, hate my generation.
Anyhow, I am having one of those moments that I just want to learn something new and amazing about life. So I should probably read some Thoreau, yeah. But I just want to sit here and listen to music (it's Fergie now).
Lately I have found a very new appreciation for rap. To where I actually like it, not even just as a joke. Well maybe as a joke still, but I'm into it a lot. I found out I love Weezy and Kanye. I have always loved Eminem, of course. I probably have very terrible taste, but I don't care who judges it.
Music used to be very important to me, and I used to judge people by their taste in music, but now I just don't give a shit, and I'm happy with whatever I listen to, whenever I listen to it. It's just not a big deal, guise. I mean, of course Saves the Day is supreme in all aspects forever. Saves the Day is more than music though... Lawl.
Lucky if we're speaking on Holiday, Holidayyy.
Right now i feel very inspired to build a new friendship. Don't care with who (preferrably someone with their own opinions and thoughts on life but anyone works). I think that's kind of dumb of me though. Not that it's dumb to want to befriend people, but to be so unbiased with who it is. But also I think that's good to not judge... lolwut. I can't explain what I'm trying to say.
So I give up.
But one more thing;
"Longer that I'm out here" by Kevin Devine......
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
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