I'm not drawn to Marie Curie for her fame, but rather her discoveries and her work ethic.

I'm a fucking joke. People laugh at the things I value most. And at the things I take most seriously.

I never TRY to be anything. I just say how I feel, when I feel it.

On Burning Literature; On Being Bold.

Yes, an experiment in being bold.

Each year, the senior AP English class gets to design the t-shirt we all wear to our Poetry Picnic. Last year, the seniors put inside jokes on their shirts that the juniors (who are now the seniors) didn't understand until they read the material from this year. So, because this peeved them, they decided this year they're going to make a shirt strictly for their class, and then an additional shirt for the Poetry Picnic. On the Poetry Picnic shirt, they decided they wanted to put a picture of a bonfire on it and then write something along the lines of "Where's your Walden book?" because apparently this has been an ongoing joke for them since last year.

Um, I have a problem with this. It's been approved by the teachers because there's not an actual picture of a burning book, just the implication of it.... I personally believe that there isn't a difference. I believe it's completely ignorant to promote the destruction of literature- regardless of the fact that I also happen to like the book in question. Every single piece of literature has something to offer its readers- it's just up to the reader to want to take it in. And (this is where I'm going to be biased-) Walden offers a lot to those to wish to understand it. Those who are too uneducated to understand it reject it. Yes, I think it's okay if you dislike the book, obviously it's not for everyone. There are books I don't like, like The Catcher in the Rye, that are well-liked by others. It's okay! to have differing opinions. It's okay to personally reject your opportunity to learn from a book- although it's something I try not to do myself. But I do not think it's acceptable to advocate burning a book. Thoreau's writing has never done any harm to any of us- it's not Thoreau's fault that the senior class got stuck with a teacher who failed to teach them the real importance of the book (sorry, low blow right there). Walden's worst offenses are that it is "boring," and that it lowered everyone's grades because we failed the quizzes. Is this really enough to push a person to say they're going to burn the book?

By wearing a t-shirt with a message like that, I believe, poorly represents the values of AP English. Yes, Advanced Placement, which I think means that we should appreciate- and at least RESPECT- literature more than the average student. And here we are, saying we want to burn a book just because most of us don't agree with it? Because it's boring?

This is something I feel strongly about, and I feel the same about every piece of literature.

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
------Voltaire




So, it's just petty t-shirt drama, but I talked to my teacher and expressed myself just as I did up there^. And I guess he talked to the AP12 teacher, and now the senior class is pissed at me. While I don't mean to offend them, I'm glad I was BOLD and stood up for what I believed in. And sure, I'll defend their right to wear ignorant t-shirts until the death, but I will personally reject doing so myself. It's a petty cause, but it is a cause. Respect literature- that's all I ask.

Why do we lie? It's because when we're honest about our wrongdoings, nobody ever lets it go.

On Dreams

I figured since I mention Remington so often on here,
and since his blog is titled "Dreams Under My Pillow"
I would finally get around to putting into words the things I think about dreams (all the time).

I love the dream world.
Whether or not it's in color, I can never remember when I wake up.
But it's definitely bold.
In my dreams, I never get anxious or embarrassed in the most awkward situations. I am finally able to live boldly. I've had dreams where I stand up to Lord Voldemort, when I know if it weren't a dream I would perish (and if it weren't a dream, it wouldn't happen...). I've had dreams where I stand up to killer midgets named Georgie, where I assert my Gryffindor-esque bravery unheard of in my waking world. And when I wake up I'm too scared to get out of bed because of the possibility that Georgie or Voldy will be outside my bedroom door.

I've had dreams where I punch people in the face. I've had dreams where I stand up to band moms who haven't given me the credit I deserve. I never have to think about what I'm going to say in my dream, it's always right. There are never consequences in my dreams for things I do 'wrong.' There are no causes and effects, and nothing makes sense. Things just happen. Sometimes really great things that make you want to stay asleep.

In the surreal world I watch while I'm sleeping, I love myself. Even if I wake up and say, "Wow, that was really dumb of me, I shouldn't have punched that person in the face. I'd never do that in real life," I still look upon that dream with satisfaction and triumph. 'Cos I didn't have to think about anything.

The more you think--- is not necessarily the more you know.

Remington belittles me for shamelessly blowing my nose on my comforter.

"This obstinate, tenacious, proud Marie did not like the act of flight. To be afraid was to serve the adversary."

On Friendships; or Lack Thereof. A Rant.

OKAY. The friends I want-
Are Busy, Brilliant, and in College. Worlds away, where I'll never relate. Not their fault. Sometimes I just feel insecure and unsure that they want my friendship. Referring to plenty more than one person in this situation. I try not to let this show because, like I said, it's not their fault and I don't want to be a bother. I just want to have people to be brilliant with. Not the friends I have.

The friends I have-
I'm sick of our passive aggressive bullshit and making fun of each other instead of talking out our problems. I say repeatedly, if I'm doing something wrong, tell me, and I will maybe get defensive at first... but eventually I will come to my senses and be a better friend. Honestly. I can tell when people are making jokes because they're mad at me for something. I'd prefer if they'd tell me what it is, rather than making me feel guilty for something I'm not sure I'm guilty for. And I hate that I can't even say this because, I myself, am afraid of crossing that line and being open about the problems I have. Because while I am comfortable with the idea that my friends can tell me what I am doing wrong, I am afraid that they are not in the same boat. I feel like anything 'mean' I say will be held against me, forever. When I just want to explain how they make me feel, and how they could be better. But somehow, I'm just never right.

Which is why I wish I had Brilliant friends to spend my time with.

On Fogged Windows (another Metaphor).

Wrote this a while ago in school, now I have a chance to post it since it's spring break, finally.

Too often it seems that people see life through a fogged window of a car on the road. We only see blurred shapes of what's outside. This is kind of like Plato's cave, except we have every opportunity to get rid of the fog.

Some of us, the drivers- who are determined to go far, and get themselves where they want to be- wipe it away in haste, like on a windshield, so we can safely get where we're going. The drivers have no choice but to see what's beyond.

Others sit lazily in the passenger seat, not controlling where they are going. Some of these passengers still wipe away the fog to get a glimpse of the outside world (to realize ' the universe is wider than our view of it' in Thoreau's way), but some occupy theymselves by doodling silly pictures in the fog with their fingers. They barely scrape the surface of reality because they enjoy too much the meaningless fun they created on their own accord.

The back seat? That's even further away from reality. Backseat passengers, like front seat passengers, often draw in the fog rather than wipe it away. But backseat passengers rarely see the road in front of them through the windshield like front seat passengers do. Not only are they unaware of the world outside of the car, they are even secluded from the conversation in the front seat at most times. They have no concern where they are going, nor any say in the matter, but they like the feeling of being in the car. It's so comforting, and care free...