I've lived my whole life letting people tell me I'm weak. Well, my only weakness is that I'm a good listener.

On...... I'm too tired.

Getting a hair cut Thursday.
I'm mildly excited, despite how shallow that can make me.
Along with shedding a few inches of hair,
I think I will also dispose of my guilt.

I'm always a changing person, right?
The only thing that remains constant with me
Is my never-ending ability to change, right?
Hmm. Maybe it's time for a visable change, too.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of "happiness."
Also known as property.

No. I'm pursuing real happiness.

In a tough situation lately, if you haven't noticed,
Although I think that's PMS (seeing as I keep finding so many things to say).
Well, I think this is my chance to show how much I really have changed
And to put my principles into action.

This situation.... Is merely that.
Who gives a damn? Of course I do.
But I mean.
This time.
I'm going to do my best to MAKE things better for myself.
Not hope. Make.
Of course, thinking about it this much blows it out of proportion, but hey.
I'm not saying I don't want to spend time thinking about it.
"The best way out is always through" -Robert Frost.
That's all. It's better than distractions.
Although sometimes all we need is cheeriness....

Things have gotten to be so much that I can't just be happy anymore.
It's when the unsettling events of the past overcome present happiness that you must go through it, and not around it.
And that is perfectly OKAY.

It's never wrong to focus on yourself,
To better yourself
In order to put your best face forward to others.
It's not selfish in the least bit, because
Once it's over, you can go back to being happy.

The problem arises when there's always a problem,
And you create problems just to have them.
Of course there's going to be problems every now and then,
But well.


In the end, this is still just a situation.
I'll go through it, and then be done with it
And Then I Won't Remember It Anymore.

I keep having epiphanies! I don't think I spelled that right.
But I'm too tired and I don't think I'm even making sense anymore.
Didn't mean to write this much.
I shhhhhhouuuuuld type out my new 'story' tomorrow. :)

More Pretty Words

Fuck this
Summer Sickness
Threatening my existence
Dizziness
Wasted Wits
My weakness is my weakness
Fuck this fucking shit.

Oh. That's about all I got.
I'm still angry.
But I don't want to talk about it.
Sorry I've gone blog-crazy lately.

On Original Thoughts

I've been told I don't have them.
Simply for the fact that I'm good at implementing quotes into every day conversation.
So I wrote an original poem in honor of my original thoughts.

I need to write
I know it's not right
It's only what's left
That's not what I meant
I'll take this knife
Slice up my life
Bleed words on the pages
Phases upon phases
A moon, a lunacy if you will
Phases upon phrases
Bloody words that kill
Pints of words, too many lost
No life, no love, no time, no thought
Slicing with passion
More than you can imagine
Cyclical injuries in circular motions
Circulatory systems frozen
It's impossible to hear silence
To fight the fear of violence
Senseless, I have no sense
Of what's right, what's left
Cause or effect
Life or Death
I'm indifferent
Instead.

I just hate the hatred I feel towards her slurred words.

On having a thought.

I thought of something thoughtful today.
A full thought. Thought-full.

Thought Dull.

I could really write it here right now. It was about my fogged window metaphor.
But. I can't arrange the words properly, or maybe I can, I just can't put forth the effort.
What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with the world?

Everything.

I know everything.
What is everything?

I feel like I'm speaking in riddles or paradoxes or something of the sort.
And this time, I'm not proud of it.

Pride.
Lied.
Hope?
Nope.
Tell?
Well,
Today
Infinity
Tomorrow
Never.
Better?
Whenever
Weather
Together
Clouds
Storms
Broken
Hoping
Thought
Provoking.

Stream of Consciousness (Spoiler alert- RANT).

Shit.
It's been a while, since the words of Henry David Thoreau have sparked up the fire in my soul.
Passion.
Where'd it go?
"Remember, get that blood back, scorch your stomach, bleed that passion lost."

I'm not unhappy?
Well. I'm pissed, mostly.
Is that passion?

I hate being angry. While it is a rush of emotion, I have always felt that anger is maintained by ignorance. I have always felt that anger is often unwarranted, and counterproductive. What has anger ever gotten me? Bitterness.

Do I prefer this to the days when I would rather beat myself up with words than stand up for myself against someone who hurt me? I'm not sure.

Having trouble stringing words together, even music isn't calming me.

I feel like I'm probably slowly losing it again.
Again.

Again.

But I'm fucking great.
Hello, Life! Here I Come!
That's how I'm supposed to feel.
I have lots of shit going for me right now.
My life is ready to begin.
I have plenty of homework to keep me motivated,
To keep me just stressed enough.
Class class class class class
So much.
There's going to be so much school. I love school.
Of course, that's not real life.
But it's a start.

However,
Keeping myself busy...
............
Where's the passion?
Where's the meaning?
I am deliberate.
I make deliberate choices.
But I think I forgot the deliberate reasons why I made those choices.

I'm happy
But it's menial.
I'm happy
But not enlightened.

What am I to do?
This has gotten me in a panic right now.
I haven't been able to breathe the last week or so.
Perhaps this has something to do with being quasi-dumped
Thus ending my quasi-relationship
Because I'm young
He was on a coke binge for 3 days
And He doesn't want to make anything yet.
Like it's his choice.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
See, there's my anger, there's my bitterness.
I don't even want to put that on here, I don't want anyone to read that, I don't think that's the business of the public... but I need to get this out.

Panic.
"Hysteria, Hysteria, it's happening again. I fall apart, I fall apart, I'm back where I began."
At least my way to inter... what's the word...
Intertwine?
Intertwine & reference 'outside works' is still here.

Panic.
Why?
There's no
Urgency.
So Why?

Maybe it's because I don't know what I want.
Fragmented thoughts don't work well enough.
I need to go lay in the grass and collect myself, I think that will help.

But anyways, there's a tornado coming. Or something.
And I am terrified. I can't think or breathe.
Maybe I need more sleep.
But I think I just need to
what's that phrase?
Find my center.
Goodbye.
I promise I'll be more coherent next time.
& also. I'm not unhappy. Just insane.

My friends get pissed when I speak spanish around them. Which shows how culturally intolerant we are. And it's anger based on lack of understanding.

Tomorrow I will: read. Clean my room. Shower. Spanish, gov. And fireworks.

All possibilities of 'love' lay dormant until I've had a sufficient amount of 'life experiences.'

Don't say I don't understand. If I didn't understand, I'd be long gone by now.

I'm going to do good things for myself.

My biggest fear? A meaningless existence.

Lots of people are those unun-prefix elements. They lack originality. And are transuranium elements, unnatural.