On Storm Observations.

When a storm arrives, especially at night, the first thing I feel is fear.

How bad will this get? Will the house be okay? What if there's a tornado, or a flood, and I'm asleep? I can't sleep now. What if something bad happens? What if my mom doesn't wake up?

This fear may be rooted in the fact that I used to watch The Wizard of Oz on repeat when I was a child. But I think the main reason I feel fear is because I don't KNOW what's going to happen next. The weather is out of my control, for one. And I've never been in a tornado or anything too drastic like that, so I don't know what will happen, how I'll react, or if life will ever go on.

It seems like the thunder is there to laugh at me, bursting when I'm the most insecure. The lightning flashing vividly only to show the outside in a different light, if you will. The rain and wind dancing together in a frenzied pattern that only adds to my anxiety. My heart pounds like the rain drops on the window panes.

Now, if I could just relax and... what's that saying? "Embrace Nature."
Forget about myself and my house and my possessions that I wish so badly to protect.

Well, one phrase comes to mind.
"A flower never grows if you hide it from the rain."

This is what I experience when I don't hide myself from the rain (hahahah I just called myself a flower!!!):

I feel small, and insignificant. As I should feel, because I am.
I feel like I'm at the mercy of nature. As I should feel, because I am.
I feel slightly amused... How we could spend our whole lives building our skyscrapers and monuments and little manmade things, when this storm could destroy it all in an instant. The things we value so much could be gone if nature had its way with them.

I almost wish that would happen.
Then I could "live deliberately, and front only the essential facts of life."

If all manmade things were wiped out, we would surely rush to build our "civilization" again, but I don't think I would want to. I would enjoy having nothing but the Earth to see and to love. The nature I experience in my home town is tamed, manufactured, and mass-produced. Just the way we like it. I suppose a storm is the only true, uninhibited form of nature I could truly experience here, and for that I am thankful. Even though it's possible to make artificial clouds (pollution and cloud seeding), but that's a different story.

A storm is my only chance to really see nature. There's nothing I or any other human can do to stop it. So I guess the fear comes from lack of control and security.

When the storm settles down it is peaceful, and I can relax. I like the gentle rain. It's like a reassuring voice that the weather will clear. Perhaps the chaos of the storm can be seen as a warning, or a wake up call. It's meant to make me feel afraid and anxious. But if I would realize that the things I really value cannot be washed away by rain, I would not feel afraid.


This is way too fucking long. :/