Blindfolded.

It has become increasingly hard to make decisions based upon my free will lately. This is because I feel like you've heaved the responsibility of your own happiness upon me. Upon my reactions to you. It's okay, I do the same, maybe not to you, but I do this too.

Thoreau says, "We are the subjects of an experiment which is not a little interesting to me. Can we not do without the society of our gossips a little while under these circumstances, --have our own thoughts to cheer us?"

Can we have our own thoughts to cheer us?

I'll turn this away from you, and towards me.
I often base my happiness on those around me, on whether or not they 'care,' on whether or not they are happy themselves, and so on.
This is selfish, and lazy.

Why should I use these people for my own good? For my own wants, that aren't needs? Those little vacancies in my heart where I feel empty, I try to fill with others' opinions of me. This is selfish, because there are so much more to people than their opinions of me. I will not base my opinion on someone, based on their opinion of me any longer. I will embrace each person for who they are, regardless of my own emotional involvement.

This is lazy, because by relying on others to fill the emptiness, I am avoiding the much harder task, of having my own thoughts to cheer me. However, I will endeavor (that rhymes!) to make it a habit, to be cheered by my thoughts and passions- the things I love. Even the people I love, but in a way that does not have to do with my own interests.

I will take off the blindfold that stops me from seeing things outside myself.

And I'm not ready to imply what that means about you. You're still a great person, I will always love you. Just not in a way that will completely fill your emptiness.